Communication: say what you need

People are not mind-readers even if they know you well or can interpret body language. They could misinterpret you or not even get a hint. Therefore, just express what you need in a clear and uncomplicated manner, kindly. Misunderstandings can occur too easily and cause tension or conflicts that could simply be avoided.

For example, you are exhausted and need some help from your family or partner to tidy up space in your home. Simply say it to them: “I am really tired and would like to be in a clean space but I need your help”. Instead of having an aggressive attitude because you feel that you are “always” the one cleaning, keep in mind that not everyone has the same priorities or same perception of what is clean or messy. Or, at work, you are asked to complete a task that you have no idea how to do and already have several tasks to complete soon. Instead of getting frustrated, irritated or stressed, you could inform the requestor: “I have no idea how to complete this and have several other emergencies at the moment. I might not be able to accomplish the task as expected. So, would you please show me if it won’t take too much time or find another person to get it done?” Just by expressing your need for help you will release tension and show strength through your transparency.

By clearly and simply expressing yourself, you avoid stressing yourself mentally and physically, you avoid projecting a negative energy around you, you avoid others badly reacting to that negative energy, you give a chance to others to show you whether they want to listen and do what they can for you to be better, you improve your relationship with others by increasing your level of intimacy letting them in and you feel much better than when bottling things up and feeling resentful afterward.

For people who were not raised in an environment where clear and kind communication was the norm it will take practice to get better at expressing what you need. Like building muscles at the gym, it takes time and practice. You must work on it and keep on doing it, even if it feels uncomfortable, even if you encounter setbacks. Your hard work will pay off. Trust the magic of the unknown.

Just because you communicate what you need it does not mean others will respond positively or give you what you need. They also have a right to be as they are and decide whether or not they can or will fulfill your needs. Regardless of their reaction, always say what you need.