Conscious parenting: Why do people want to have a child?

Why do you want to have a child?

Have you ever thought about your real reasons for wanting to have a child? Is it to make your family happy? Are you feeling pressured to do so in your entourage? Is it to fill an emotional void? Do you want a child because it is trending around you? Or, is it to not be alone as you are getting older? Is it because you think it will make you look like you accomplished something in your life? Or, is it because you have some great values you want to pass down to them to contribute to the wellbeing of the world?

Most people don’t think about this question nor do they even ponder on what it entails to have a child. It is quite an important question to answer honestly as most people don’t realize how much they need to be conscious of what they will pass down to their descendants if they have children. A lot of us are on a journey to evolve by unlearning all of these unhelpful habits and mindsets imposed on us as children. Parents or caretakers are the first examples for children and they should be more aware of how their behavior is imitated unconsciously by the children around them. If you want a child to be, for example, well-mannered, are you? Are you a well-mannered person? If not, why are you putting so much pressure on them to be something you are not? It is confusing for them. You want them to be calm, but are you calm? Or, are you often shouting? Think about that for a moment and assess yourself.

As stated above, a lot of us are working on ourselves in order to evolve by unlearning the obstructive or toxic habits and mindsets we picked up as children. It is quite hard to unlearn but possible with a willing mind. It’s the parents’ or caretakers’ fault for certain traits developed from childhood to adulthood or for some emotional wounds. However, it is our responsibility as adults to unlearn what is not serving us. It is also our own responsibility to do the work to heal. So, do the work even if it’s uncomfortable or hard. This will contribute to breaking the cycle instead of repeating the same patterns.

Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.

W.E.B. Du Bois

This is why I encourage everyone to assess themselves and their past to become conscious of what they no longer want to experience and transmit to their children. Do the best you can. This is not about being perfect. It is about being the best that we can be, with what we know. Be what you wish the children around you to be. Don’t worry about children not listening, worry that they are always watching you.

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
(Poem by Dorothy Law Nolte)

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy, he learns what envy is.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns that it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with sharing, he learns about generosity.
If a child lives with honesty and fairness, he learns what truth and justice are.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and in those around him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.
If a child lives with serenity, your child will live with peace of mind.
With what is your child living?

You can download a free pdf with this poem by clicking here. It could serve as a reminder by displaying it on a wall where you can see it.