Setting boundaries: learn to say no

For so many of us, it is quite difficult to say no to what does not suit us or is inconvenient for us, especially if we were never taught how to do so or if when we said “no” as a child it was never accepted. We were programmed to believe that we had to behave as was expected of us (such as being compliant and helpful) in order to receive love, attention, affection or acceptance. Saying no to others when we truly don’t want to do what they are asking of us is a form of self-respect. By kindly saying no, we respect who we are, our needs and desires, and value ourselves.

The way you treat yourself, teach others how to treat you. Self-love includes setting boundaries and enforcing them. Your wellbeing matters so much and in order to be well with others, you must be well with yourself. Learning to say no is one aspect of setting boundaries. There will be times when you say yes, even when you want to say no because you want to help someone who is really in need. However, always saying yes to others at your own expense is unhealthy. You may become resentful, frustrated, angry, stressed, irritable, exhausted, etc.

It may seem easier to say yes to avoid hurting someone or seeming too selfish. However, learning to say no will make others respect you because you respect yourself.

Here are a few tips on how to say no: Your answer should be simple, kind, firm and direct. Don’t over-apologize as you are not asking for permission. You can tell the person that you will think about it and get back to them so it will be easier for you to say no with more confidence if you decide that you don’t want to do what they are asking of you. If it is something you could do but are limited on time or ability to do it then you could consider a compromise with the person. But, avoid compromising if you really want to say no.