You don’t need to perform to be loved

Did your parents or caretakers make you feel that you had to “perform” (i.e., behave as they approve or deem “good”) in order for you to receive their attention, affection, and love? This, in turn, made you believe that you have to behave a particular way with each person who matters to you, in order to obtain and keep their attention, affection, and love. This conditioning often happens SUBCONSCIOUSLY.

For example, as a child, you get applauded or praised when you get good grades or you get attention when you enroll in the sports activity that they want you to play even though you hate it. Basically, you matter only when you behave as expected. In addition, you get ignored, belittled, or sent into isolation if you do anything different from what is expected of you. Consequently, it’s programmed into your brain that if you want any or more attention or love you must be as you are expected to be, fulfill others’ needs and forget your own, and live up to the labels put on you. Most people never realize that this is the reason they question and try to change themselves and adapt to the person whenever the relationship does not work out or go as expected or planned, in order to keep the person and their love.

I’m here to remind you that (and repeat this to yourself many times):

YOU DON’T NEED TO PERFORM TO BE LOVED. YOU being YOU, your AUTHENTIC self, is enough and worthy of love. You don’t have to do anything extra for love. You don’t have to be anything other than who you are to be loved.

The person for you will simply love you. Your flaws will not push them away. Your past will not turn them away from you. Your bad days will not make them think you are a problem. They will just simply love you through it all.

And, this is why you must be that way with yourself, in order to recognize when a person truly loves you. You must truly love yourself, flaws and all, with kindness and compassion.

Anyone who makes you feel that you are hard to love is NOT THE ONE FOR YOU.