Expected to fly but never taught how

“You clipped my wings, then expect me to fly and get frustrated, disappointed, or angry when I cannot fly.” This is the image that comes to mind when I think about how some parents are disappointed or frustrated that their adult kids are not thriving in life. I keep coming back to that image, because it perfectly captures a dynamic I see far too often: parents who, with good intentions or not, limit, control, or overprotect their children for years, only to feel confused or upset when those same children struggle to stand on their own as adults.

It’s not always obvious when it’s happening. Sometimes it looks like constant interference, making decisions on behalf of a child well into adulthood, or discouraging risk, independence, and failure, the very things that build resilience. Over time, those small, repeated actions shape how someone sees themselves. If you’re never trusted to try, to fall, to figure things out, how are you supposed to suddenly “just know” how to live, decide, or thrive?

I don’t think this is about blame as much as it is about awareness. Growth requires space, trust, and the freedom to stretch your wings, even if it means falling a few times. Expecting someone to soar without ever having let them practice flying is unrealistic at best, and damaging at worst. Maybe instead of asking why someone isn’t soaring yet, the better question is: what did they need earlier that they didn’t get? And what can be done now to support them in finally learning how to rise?